Candid, outspoken, laugh-out-loud funny essays from much-loved Samantha Bee, host of TBS’s uproarious late-night display Total Frontal with Samantha Bee, professional producer and author of TBS’s comedy television series The Detour, and former The Daily Display with Jon Stewart’s Most Senior Correspondent.

In I UNDERSTAND I Am, But WHAT EXACTLY ARE You? she shares her exclusive and irreverent viewpoint on topics as wide-ranging as:

BARBIE’S DREAM Home

There were six main players in my coterie: G.We. Joe (macho, about I UNDERSTAND I Am, But What Are You? good-looking), Wonder Woman (scorching, carpet-munching neighbor, busy with athletics), Marie Osmond (profession gal, intelligent), Ken (gay, certainly), regular Barbie (slutty, dumb, eternally solitary), and an old-timey Barbie from the sixties (smoker’s coughing, swinger).

HER Youth CRUSH

I had a notebook dedicated to ironing out the facts of my postmarital name modification. Samantha Christ. Mrs. Jesus H. Christ. Actually, Jesus and I had been so limited that if at at any time He should materialize, I knew we would pay attention to my disco records and eat Tang right from the package, just like enthusiasts did.

GYM CLASS

My grandmother would send out me inside a navy-blue, puffy-sleeved, one-piece cashmere perspiration suit having a patent-leather belt, and warn me never to perspiration in it, because it was dry-clean only.

FAMILY TIES

There’s really nothing creepier than going somewhere with one of your parents and having people believe you are collectively, as a couple. Of fans. Who do it. With one another.