THE BRAND NEW York Times bestselling authors of Great Is a Place in France and When’s Happy Hour? and creators of the online humor and assistance trend Betches.com and Instagram accounts @Betches explain the brutal truths of how to date such as a true betch, with insights from the Head Pro.

In age Tinder, Hinge, or any other dating app that matches you with randos, the dating game is continuing to grow complex and confusing. Cue the Betches-first, we helped you win at basically everything, and now we’re about I HAD FASHIONED a Nice Period And Other Lays…: How to find love & sh*t like that going to assist you to win the main battle a betch can face: dating.

Maybe you’re a Delusional Dater who must speak to reality (seriously, he’s just NOT that f***ing into you) or perhaps you’re a TGF who needs to stop being therefore desperate and begin playing the overall game. Or possibly you’re just tired of swiping left and prepared for the pro of the dreams to put a 15-karat band on it and that means you can end pretending to do work. Either way, we’ve got you protected.

So set aside the Ben & Jerry’s fro-yo (because it’s zero fat doesn’t indicate it’s okay to eat the whole tub) and start dating like a winner.