When scientists with warped imaginations unintentionally unleash an experimental bioweapon that transforms Britain’s animals into sneezing, bloodthirsty zombies having a penchant for pre-dinner sex with their victims, three misfits end up being the unlikely hope for salvation.

Abattoir worker Terry Borders’ love life is crippled from the stench of death that clings to his pores and skin from his times spent slaughtering cows; teenage vegan Geldof ‘Scabby’ Peters alternates between scratching furiously at his rash and about Apocalypse Cow baiting his overbearing New Age mom; and inept journalist Lesley McBrien problems forlornly in the darkness of her famous war correspondent dad and the superstar journalist on the Glasgow Tribune.

When Britain begins an instant descent into chaos and ministers cynically attempt to blame al-Qaeda, Lesley stumbles upon proof that the government is in back of the outbreak. During her bumbling quest to unveil the reality, she crosses paths with Terry and Geldof, and together they attempt to escape a quarantined Britain with the evidence and vital data that could unlock a cure for the virus.

Standing in the way are rampaging hordes of animals, a ruthless security agent and an army ready to shoot anybody using a case of the sniffles for the off-chance the pathogen has mutated.

Three losers. Overwhelming odds. An individual final result: the world is screwed.